Grief is a natural response to loss. The 7 Stages of Grief is a framework to help people with cancer work through the common emotions associated with grieving. The 7 stages can take place sequentially or out of order, and sometimes you might find yourself back at a stage you thought you were done with. It’s all relative and normal.
The 7 Stages of Grief is a framework to help people with cancer work through the common emotions associated with grieving cancer. The 7 stages can take place sequentially or out of order, and sometimes you might find yourself back at a stage you thought you were done with. It’s all relative and normal.
Grief is messy.
Receiving a cancer diagnosis is shocking. Shock is your body’s way of protecting you from experiencing too many overwhelming emotions at once. You might feel numb, like you’re dreaming, or that you need to hear the diagnosis again and again for it to sink in. No matter what, your experience is unique and there is no right or wrong way to experience it.
Coming to terms with cancer can take time. Sometimes your mind copes with life altering news by existing in an ideal reality, rather than actual reality. Denial is your body’s way of avoiding pain and is very normal.
Cancer fucking sucks. Anger can appear on any given day and in many different ways. You might lash out at your caregiver, a friend, or your doctor. Or maybe you have an Oscar-worthy meltdown in the grocery store. Anger is normal and to be expected. Look, you’re going through something traumatic and trying to get through it a day at a time. So while cancer doesn’t give you license to be an asshole, it does mean you get some grace to work through your emotions.
If you lash out or do something you regret – own it and apologize. Just don’t be too hard on yourself, cancer is hard enough.
When you have cancer, a lot of things are out of your control. Bargaining is your mind’s way of trying to regain that control. You might daydream about what-if scenarios, start making lifestyle changes to try to reverse a diagnosis, or make promises to the universe in an effort to change the situation. This is a normal part of the process and typically leads to bargaining’s overbearing sibling…guilt.
Many people feel a sense of blame or regret when it comes to their cancer. Whether it’s lifestyle factors you think might have affected your diagnosis or regret over not going to the doctor sooner, you need to know that cancer is not your fault. It’s important here to look ahead and move past the guilt any way you can. Communicate your feelings with someone you love, a support group, or even your doctor. Do things to distract yourself from overthinking or negative thought loops. Anything that can get you out of your head.
We won’t sugarcoat it: Depression is usually the longest and hardest stage. Depression is when you realize the true extent of what’s happening and get to feel all the feelings that the other stages have been protecting you from up until now. You could feel empty, lonely, isolated, anxious, or lost. It’s normal to experience trouble sleeping or getting out of bed, not be able to eat normally, spontaneously cry, have poor hygiene, or realize you’ve been playing Adele nonstop for days. Depression sucks, but no matter how it presents itself for you or the amount of time you spend with it, it’s normal.
Finding acceptance means coming to terms with your new reality. It doesn’t mean you’re okay with the situation or that you’re never going to revisit any of the other stages, it just means your emotions are more stable. You might feel like a fog has lifted, you’re in a better place to reach out to loved ones again, or you’re ready to get back into your favorite hobby. But just like the other stages, your experience with acceptance is personal. You may find acceptance this week, a year from now, or never. No matter what, your feelings are normal and okay.
