When your partner is diagnosed with cancer, it can feel like your world is crashing down. Supporting someone you love so deeply while they go through cancer is challenging. We’ve got your back, so you can have theirs.
With more and more medical advancements, cancer care is transitioning away from medical facilities and into the home. This means that you, and anyone else who lives with you, may be responsible for both medical and non-medical daily needs.
Make sure your partner’s medical team knows who you are and your relationship.
Your partner should complete any necessary medical, insurance, or legal paperwork to allow you to make decisions on their behalf, if necessary.
Keep track of your partner’s appointments, medications, and treatment progress, as well as any social engagements.
Cancer is expensive. Ask your insurance company for a case manager and help managing costs, and keep a record of costs, payments, and conversations.
Learn how to provide appropriate physical and medical care at home, including medications, symptoms, and side effects. If you see anything concerning, contact your partner’s medical team.
You need your own support system to lean on while your partner leans on you. Figure out who your team is before things get too overwhelming.
Consider hiring a professional home care service to provide your partner with medical care and other assistance, so you can focus solely on your relationship.
When it comes to supporting your partner, you know them best. Every relationship is unique, so do what feels right for you.
The little things are often the most meaningful. Just sitting with your partner or watching a movie with them can mean the world when they’re going through it.
Try to process your own feelings before discussing them with your partner. They’re going through enough already, they don’t need to take on the burden of processing your feelings too. Learn more here.
Your partner is still the same person they’ve always been. Don’t forget to talk to them about all the interests and passions you share.
While you should never assume you know what they’re going through, consider what your partner might be feeling and things you can do to help. This will make you more empathetic when you talk to them.
When your loved one is first diagnosed with cancer, it can feel scary and overwhelming. You may draw blanks when you try to think of how to start a conversation with them, but just remember, your partner is still the same person you know and love. Saying something is better than staying silent and pretending it’s not happening.
“I’m sorry this is happening.”
“I love you and am here for you.”
“Whenever you want to talk, I’m here.”
“You’re my best friend. Always have been, always will be.”
“Fuck Cancer!”
Starting a conversation is the hardest part. But once you get the ball rolling, it’ll be easier to talk about the cancer elephant in the room. Practice makes perfect.
You’re the expert in how to best support your partner. You know how they take their coffee, where they store the extra toilet paper, and their guilty pleasure TV show. Rely on your insider info of your partner to best support them. But if you need a few tips, we’ve got you covered.
Whether you have a standing date to discuss feelings or just talk about them as they come, check in with your partner so they know you care and that they can rely on you.
Make plans that can easily be changed and try to remain understanding if your partner needs to adjust the plan. Living with cancer means dealing with unexpected health changes.
Follow your partner’s lead about discussing certain topics or their energy for certain activities.
Your partner’s health is their own. While they’ll likely ask for your opinion because they love and respect you, don’t try to pressure them into any decisions related to their cancer or treatment options.
Don’t forget to laugh and have fun with your partner just like usual. Even with cancer, there’s still space for joy.
It’s easy to want to avoid sadness or talking about heavy topics with your partner, but it’s important not to ignore uncomfortable topics or feelings.
If you tell your partner you’ll do something, follow through with that promise.
Don’t forget to talk about other topics besides cancer. You can make plans for the future that you can both look forward to.
If your love language is gift giving, here are a few ideas that your partner might appreciate and use while they’re going through cancer.
Food delivery, cleaning service, task rabbit, grocery store, or a massage
Magazines, books, or audiobooks
Your favorite memories or their favorite people and places
Crossword, sudoku, or puzzles
Coloring books, needlepoint kits, or other creative outlets
Note cards or a journal
A video message or scrapbook
Music, TV shows, or movies they would like
Something cozy or something to make them feel like themselves
